what follows are ramblings of someone who likely doesn't know the things she thinks she does about this life. I seem to want to write about singleness often. I should perhaps begin by saying that I love my life. It is a great one. I do not deserve half of what I have and all of my life is a gift of grace. I think I like to write about singleness because it puzzles me greatly. While I live it every day, it continues to be a mystery to me. I'm grateful that at this moment I am laid back in this dark cool room and I have no demands beyond that which I choose to have at this moment. I have no current responsibility to be selfless and care for a child or a husband. Instead, I have time to write this senseless blog, and for that I am immensely grateful.
Living the single life for me looks much like this...
Singleness is a vast sea with a violently crashing surface atop turbulent unknown depths. You are in these waters without so much as a raft or a choice. The waves and pitches are harsh but the dangers beneath the waters motivate you to struggle to keep your head above water. After such a prolonged period of time, you become so very tired. You long for land. A resting place. A moment to stop and catch your breath. Regain your strength. Then you meet someone. You think to yourself. "This is it! I've found land!" However, when you reach it and place your feet on that sand you realize it is only a sandbar surrounded by miles and miles of water. You thought that perhaps it was an island..a place you could live. A place you could finally stay and set up house. So, you plunge yourself back into the raging waters in search of that perfect island.
Or perhaps...
Singleness IS the island. Singleness is an ecosphere- a fully self contained and self sustaining circumstance that you existed within all along. Only you didn't know that when you met "him", you had ventured into a treacherous water for nothing. In pursuit of the thing that may lay at your feet already. You are however certain, that on this island there is only you. Soon, you find you can live there quite nicely. Your needs are met and only some of your wants are lacking. So, you try not to think about whether or not "he" is out in those rough waters somewhere. Try not to think about how maybe he has a ship (or that maybe he would teach you to sail it..which would be awesome by the way). Besides, even if he was out there somewhere..he's probably a smelly pirate anyway.
So, even if the truth is that singleness is the sea, salvation and rest is to be found within the waters. God sees to it that real living is possible in all circumstances. Swimming with the hope you will find land is no way to live. There is no promise of land for some. Only the sea. We cannot settle for mere survival just because our body may never leave this water.
This one thing I know for sure...no matter who the man is...no man is an island.
